Choosing a Pastor

Gentlemen of the Pulpit Committee:

This is the second time I have written to you asking that you consider me for the office of pastor of your church. As you do and as you read my resume I sent earlier, there are some things which I did not include in the document, things of which you need to be aware.

I have no doubt that you will find my educational credentials to be impeccable; I have the requisite degrees you require. I find the stipend you are offering to be more than generous and it will more than meet my needs as a single man.

You mentioned that, because of the prestige your church has enjoyed, you desire that your next pastor have what we might call, “name recognition,” and as you know, I have acquired somewhat of a reputation. I hope you don’t find the following statement an example of braggadocio, but I am quoted in pulpits around the world and study groups have formed around the pronouncements of my pen.

But, as stated above, I believe that there are some things for which there are no categories in a resume, things about myself which I include in this certified letter to you, things which are for your eyes only.

I do have a habit of which you need to be aware, one I will not give up: I enjoy smoking a pipe twice a day and in between those sessions, I smoke at least sixty cigarettes a day. I know that in some ecclesiastical circles, that alone would be enough to disqualify me, but I want to remind you that God used one murderer (Moses) and two others who were accomplices to murder (David and Paul) in ways that affected world history.

Also, I feel that I must tell you that I have a rather unique living arrangement and have had that arrangement for thirty years. To get to the point, gentlemen, I live in the same house with a woman to whom I am not married. I will not give up this arrangement either.

Your recent letter asked if I subscribed to the doctrinal statement of your church, so I think I should inform you concerning some areas into which you did not delve, things I did not see in your doctrinal document. I believe in praying for the dead and I hold to a Purgatory of sorts, but not in the same way as those of the Roman Catholic persuasion.

On the subject of Bibliology, I think you might also be interested in my view of the Old Testament. Gentlemen, I believe that it contains fables, two of which are Jonah and the whale; Noah and his ark. I do not hold that the Bible is the Word of God, but I believe that it carries the word of God. Call me neo-orthodox.

I noted in the material you sent me that you have a robust foreign missions program at the church and I feel it necessary to let you know that I believe that there will be those who do not trust Christ as Savior in heaven. I did not say “all,” but I do believe there will be some. Along this same line, I think you should also know that there are those with whom I have been associated for years who have no idea that I am a Christian; I am not “big,” as they say, on personal evangelism.

You asked for the story of my conversion which I enclosed in an earlier post to you dated May 2. In it I mentioned that I was converted to Christianity while riding to the zoo in a sidecar of my brother’s motorcycle. I will be happy to fill you in on the details when and if you ask me to come to your church as a candidate for the pastorate.

Gentlemen, I want to thank you for any consideration you give me, as I would very much like to become the pastor there. Should you have any questions, please feel free to get in touch with me at any time.

Yours truly,

C. S. Lewis

Although the above letter to a pulpit committee is mythical, it accurately portrays Lewis’s personal life and beliefs. C. S. Lewis of Narnia fame lived with some woman who wasn’t his wife? Yes, he did. C. S. Lewis held to such a low view of the Bible? Yes, he did. He picked and chose which portions he would believe? He rejected as historical those Old Testament accounts Jesus Himself specifically said were historical? Yes, he did. So what?

C. S. Lewis had serious theological and experiential warts (those in the “letter” are only some of them) serious enough to disqualify him from any teaching position in Christ’s church, as well as elder, deacon, Sunday school superintendent, or janitor. Christ said that the leaders of His church must hold fast to the faithful Word. Lewis only held to parts of it, parts he chose. He did not hold to what we call the verbal, plenary inspiration of Scripture.

Do you think that most churches would fall all over themselves to accept the internationally acclaimed C. S. Lewis as their pastor, and if not their pastor, as a member, a member who would give them reflected glory? Do you think that they would want to be known as, “The church C. S. Lewis attends?” (We’re thinking hypothetically here; Lewis died, interestingly enough, on November 22, 1963. That’s why his demise didn’t receive much press.)

Do you think that mythical pulpit committee would accept Lewis as their pastor? What about as a member, would that church accept Lewis as a member?

If that were the case, would it not show us something about such a church more than something about C. S. Lewis, a church willing to compromise to get a SOMEBODY into its fold, and if it would compromise to get a SOMEBODY onto its roll, would that not be a step away from compromising to get an anybody on its roll?

If the answer is yes, it does show us that the urge of Israel in the Old Book is the urge of church: ape the world. The world loves celebrities.

Dr. Mike Halsey, Pastor

For more information about our church or comments on this web site, please contact webmaster@countylinechurch.com.